I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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