OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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