I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
