actually, I'm a sock model
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
