My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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