I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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