yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
