he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
