she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
