ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
