he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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