The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
