I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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