I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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