When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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