Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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