He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had sex on a roof
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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