I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
