I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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