Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
