Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
