I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
