You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
