to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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