the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
