bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
