And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
