sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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