I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
