I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
