im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
