I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
