On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
