you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
