Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
