remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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