Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
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