omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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