toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
