We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
