Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
