From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
