i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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