you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
