dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
