Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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