You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
