i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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