I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
