I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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