opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
