im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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