So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
this hospital has no fireball
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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