??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
