Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
