he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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