so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
