Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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