the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
