I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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