Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You are the jesus of drinking
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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