It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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