I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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