god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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