I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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