my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
