Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
